Red Flag vs Green Flag

I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole “red flag vs green flag” thing lately… and honestly, it’s messing with my head more than I expected.

Everywhere I look, people have opinions.

Some say girls are attracted to red flags — the unpredictable ones. The emotionally intense ones. The ones who don’t always reply on time, who are a little rough around the edges, a little complicated, a little dangerous in an emotional way. They say unpredictability creates excitement. That emotional ups and downs make people feel more alive. That chaos can feel addictive.

And when I hear that… I wonder if being calm and decent is just… boring.

But then I hear the opposite.

Some girls say they want green flags — someone stable, kind, emotionally available, respectful, gentle. Someone who makes them feel safe instead of confused. Someone who listens, understands, and stays consistent.

And when I hear that… I wonder if being intense or unpredictable just pushes people away.

So where does that leave me?

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in front of two completely different doors.

Behind one door is the “nice guy” version of me — warm, caring, patient, steady. The one who texts back, who listens carefully, who tries not to hurt anyone.

Behind the other door is a different version — more distant, more mysterious, less emotionally available. A little rougher. A little harder to read. Maybe more exciting. Maybe more interesting.

And I keep asking myself…

Which one gets loved?

Because if I’m being honest… I don’t even know which one is truly me anymore. The more I think about how I should behave, the less I understand how I naturally behave.

Am I kind because that’s who I am… or because I think that’s what people want?

Do I hold back my intensity because I’m respectful… or because I’m afraid of being “too much”?

If I act distant, is that confidence… or just pretending?

If I act soft, is that sincerity… or strategy?

Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to solve love like it’s an equation.

Be this → get affection.

Act like that → become desirable.

Say the right things → be chosen.

But people aren’t formulas. Attraction isn’t predictable. Emotions don’t follow logic. And the more I try to understand what girls want… the more complicated everything feels.

Some fall for chaos.

Some run from it.

Some want stability.

Some say stability feels dull.

Some want emotional depth.

Some want emotional peace.

And here I am… trying to be the “right” version of myself without even knowing what “right” means.

Maybe I should just be myself.

But what if myself isn’t enough?

What if being fully genuine makes me invisible?

What if love really does reward the ones who are harder to get, harder to understand, harder to keep?

Or maybe pretending is what actually ruins everything.

I honestly don’t know anymore.

Should I be gentle… or unpredictable?

Safe… or exciting?

Consistent… or mysterious?

Warm… or hard to read?

People say the right person will love you for who you are.

But what if you’re still trying to figure out who that is?

Right now, I feel like I’m not choosing between red flags and green flags…

I feel like I’m just standing in yellow.

Paused.

Waiting.

Unsure whether to move forward… or stop completely.

And the strangest part is…

I still don’t know which direction love is supposed to be in.

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