হতে পারলাম না কারোর হৃদস্পন্দন,
হতে পারলাম না কারোর চোখের আসক্তি কোনোক্ষণ।
যে কারোর খেয়ালে আসে না কোনোদিন,
তেমনই অভাগা আমি… নীরব, একাকী প্রতিদিন।
Humans love nature because we belong to it. We are shaped by connection - friendships that grow from chance encounters, love that blossoms from shared moments, bonds that feel almost destined. For most people, relationships seem to unfold naturally, like seasons changing. But for me, it has never felt that simple… or that natural.
I tried to change myself - not just a little, but completely. I reshaped my personality, my habits, even my thoughts, believing that if I became more lovable, someone would eventually choose me. I tried harder, waited longer, hoped deeper. But in the end, nothing changed. It feels like the more effort I put into reaching love, the more the universe resists giving it to me - as if it is quietly working against my desire to belong to someone.
Somewhere along the way, I became my own harshest evaluator. I analyze every word I say, every reaction I get, every silence that follows. And slowly, a painful belief has taken root - that people simply don’t like me… maybe even hate me. Not openly, not loudly, but in quiet ways - by drifting away, by not staying, by not choosing me.
Even small things hurt more than they should. A match appears, then disappears. A conversation begins, then ends without explanation. People connect, then disconnect, as if human bonds have become temporary notifications that can be cleared without a second thought. It makes me wonder… do people even want to build connections anymore? Or are they just browsing through each other, like options on a screen?
Being an introvert makes it harder. I know there is an extroverted version of me - lively, warm, expressive - but it stays hidden beneath layers of hesitation. It takes time, patience, and safety for that side of me to emerge. But if no one stays long enough to see it, how can they ever know who I really am? How can someone judge a book they never opened?
Sometimes I look around and see pairs everywhere. Living things, non-living things… everything seems to exist in companionship. The world feels structured around togetherness - two hands, two wings, two voices, two hearts. And standing alone in a world built for pairs creates a quiet ache that never fully fades.
I feel many things at once - anger when I try to understand why this is happening, sadness when I accept that I don’t have the answer, jealousy when I see others living what feels unreachable to me. Emotions move through me like waves - heavy, restless, unavoidable.
People often say that relationships are written by destiny… that somewhere, someone is meant for everyone. That couples are formed by divine design. But sometimes it feels like when those names were being written down, mine was simply… missed. Not erased, not rejected - just forgotten. Like a blank space on a page that was never noticed.
And so I remain here - still hoping, still questioning, still trying to understand my place in a world where connection feels universal… except when it comes to me.
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